Finding the Me I was Meant to Be
Synthesis Essay
Entering into my first semester in the Masters of Arts in Education Program at Michigan State University I had a feeling that I was not going to be able to successfully complete the program. The feeling of defeat fell upon me like snow on a tree branch and I did not believe that I was prepared enough for this caliber of education. While this feeling has subsided a bit, I still have my moments where I am not sure how I was lucky enough to have been accepted into such a highly ranked program at such a highly ranked university. That being said, I have shifted my views quite a bit when it comes to what I believe I can and cannot accomplish and it all was due to the people I encountered and the work I have completed during my time here at Michigan State University. This change in perception was deeply influenced my professors, teaching assistants and other students I had come to know and work with. There were many times I just felt I could not complete assignments because I believed I was ill equipped but they pushed me to my limits and then beyond them. If it was not for the encouragement and the guidance I had received, I do not believe I would have been as successful in this program. The courses, projects, and assignments I had taken part in had also altered my perception of myself. It was because of this work that I became more motivated, strived harder, and put more effort into everything I had done. I believe that it was because of these courses I was able to see failures as learning experiences, find creativity inside of myself, and learn from those around me.
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It is difficult to say that some of these courses impacted me more than others because all of the courses transformed me into someone I never thought I could be. If I had to choose three courses that seemed to change my life the most, they would have to be “Concept of a Learning Society” with Dr. Steven Weiland, “Learning Tech through Design” with Dr. Danah Henriksen, and the “Capstone Portfolio Course” with Dr. Matthew Koehler. All of these courses changed the way I viewed learning and viewed myself in various ways with various projects, reading materials, and assignments. The course “Concept of a Learning Society” was a one that was pretty laid back but nonetheless powerful. We were given a list of books to read at the beginning of the semester and if you’re anything like me, when you see a list of books you have to read and then realize there is other material to read on top of that, your brain automatically shuts down and says, “Nope.” I usually bare little interest in reading materials I am given but I had to remind myself that this program was not like my undergraduate program, where materials tended to be dry and I would most likely forgot the information two days after the class ended. I was in graduate school now and I was studying the subject I wanted to base my life around. When I read these books, I realized that this class was going to change me. During the course we were asked to read these books and the materials listed in the module and relate them to one another through essays we were asked to write. While this sounds basic enough, Dr. Weiland’s course was anything but.
Every single book I had read for Dr. Weiland’s course had inspired me in one way or another but there was a certain book that transformed me in such a way that I would never look at learning the same again, “What the Best College Students Do” by Ken Bain. Before I even opened this book I had a feeling it was going to be filled with the best approaches to studying, how to conquer test anxieties, and how to retain information successfully, I was wrong, very wrong. This book was filled with inspirational stories of people who had faltered and learned from their missteps, who had taken time to think outside of the box, and who had an amazing drive to follow their passions and dreams. Reading the stories of people who had gone above and beyond the call of duty and achieved great success was not what had been life changing for me, it was inspiring and lifted my spirit but it was not what had helped me transform in a better student. There was one aspect that this book focused on that led me to become a different person. I have always had a very difficult time with being a perfectionist. If I’m not receiving the best grades or if I’m not doing something perfectly on the first try, I feel like I’m a failure. What this book and this course had done for me that nothing else had before, was change the way I look at “failure.” “What the Best College Students Do” emphasized over and over again that one should learn from their mistakes and view them as learning opportunities, not failures. I still have moments where I feel inadequate due to the lack of teaching experience I have but it was because of this course that I can now embrace the things I do not understand and work harder, ask more questions, and see my “failures” as opportunities to learn and grow as a student.
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The next course that had a significant impact on my life was “Learning Tech through Design” with Dr. Danah Henriksen. When I read the syllabus for this course I almost dropped it. Not because there was a plethora of work and 90 page papers to write but because the instructor was asking students to think outside of the box and be creative. I had never believed I had a creative bone in my body and honestly, I would have rather written a 90 page paper at this point. Then I reflected on what I had learned in “Concept of a Learning Society.” I thought to myself, “The worst possible outcome is that you fail this class and get dropped from the program but you will have at least learned something in the process. The best possible outcome is that you learn how to tap into your creative side and you succeed in this course.” I somehow convinced myself to continue on with the course and I’m so happy I did. For this course, we had to pick a problem of practice in education and then attempt to create a solution for it. I knew right away that I wanted to focus on something to do with mental illness and education because it was what I knew. I had brainstorming sessions with myself and others, and was able to come up with some very creative and really great ideas. During this course I also found that being able to work with others students helped me improve upon my own ideas and make them better. This course made me feel like I could do help people, make a difference for those with mental illness, and help them receive a better education.
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Last but not least, the third course that really changed me as a student was the “Capstone Portfolio Course.” This course had scared me a bit, as you can see there is a running theme here, not because of the work that I would have to put into it but, again, because of the inadequacy I felt. I had viewed some portfolios from the previous semester and they left me in awe. They did not appear to have been created by students but looked as if they were created by professional website designers. I had no idea how I would ever measure up to these standards but I did know I would try my best. My portfolio doesn’t have the same appearance as many of the portfolios students had created in the past. I wanted to appeal to a different audience, students with mental illness, and because of that I had created my website to be more personal than professional. I knew this was a risk but it just felt right to open myself up, let my audience inside of my world, and let them know they are not alone. In my portfolio, I had displayed some of my artwork, which may be looked upon with admiration or may be looked upon as distasteful but it is part of my story and part of who I am. The reason I included this work in my website was because it was created during some of the worst moments I have experienced while dealing with my mental illness, so it is dark and it may be unappealing but I do feel that the people who are meant to understand it, will. The reason this course has changed me so much, is because it allowed me the freedom to create something that was my own, something that I could use to help others, and gave me a chance to see how far I had come during my time spent in this program. I was able to reflect upon the courses I had taken throughout my time at Michigan State University and see when I had changed, where I had struggled, and what I had accomplished.
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The Master of Arts in Education Program at Michigan State University has been a whirlwind of emotions for me. I have experienced complete and utter terror as well as pure joy and happiness. I have gained so much knowledge about education, some of the best ways to approach assessments, students, incorporating technology into learning, and how to never view any experience as a failure but always a learning option. Most importantly, insert cliché here, I have learned about myself. I felt a bit lost before I entered into the Master of Arts in Education Program, I knew I wanted to become a teacher, I just didn’t know how I could be, what I wanted to focus on, or what my teaching methods may look like. This program has shown me that I not only want to teach but I want to continue my own educational journey. I would like to study mental illness further so I am able to assist students who struggle with performing well in school because their mental illness hinders them, I would like to learn more about technology so that I can incorporate it into my pedagogy and make it easier for students to interact with each other while taking online course, and I also want to be able incorporate online gaming into my teaching because I feel that it would be a great way for students to learn while having fun. I really would like my students to be engaged in the courses I teach. I never want them to walk away confused or unaware of any of the material I have presented to them and this program has given me a plethora of ways to go about doing just that. I never thought that enrolling in this program would change my life, I knew it would be a challenge and I was so honored when I was accepted in, but I could have never imagined how much it would change me as person, change my goals, help me to develop new passions, and view my own struggles as tools I could utilize to help others. I want to give students with mental illness hope, a chance to be able to be independent, and most importantly I want to give them a voice. Without this program I would have never have discovered this passion and I could not be more grateful to the instructors, the teaching assistants, the students, and the Master of Arts in Education Program at Michigan State University, that has helped me every step of the way.
