To be honest, when I started the Masters of Arts in Education Program at Michigan State University, I had no idea what I was doing or what my goals were. I knew I loved education, I loved learning, and I wanted to be a part of that community but that was all I was truly aware of. When I started college, I wanted to be an Early Childhood Educator but life had other plans for me. I was enrolled in the Early Childhood Education Program at Western Michigan University, I was accepted, and even offered a full-ride scholarship. Things could not have gotten much better but they could have gotten much worse and they did. I have struggled with anxiety for 13 years of my life. Panic attacks here and there were bad enough but once they took over my life, I did not know where to place myself. About a month after I was offered the scholarship, I had become agoraphobic. Some of you may not know what that is because I did not either. Agoraphobia has a very long, inadequate definition, so I will tell you what it is from my perspective. It is the fear having a panic attack, which makes you feel as if you're dying, if you leave your "safe zone." A person with agoraphobia's "safe zone" can range from one mile from their home, 10 miles from their home, or no further than their front door. Due to the fact that I could not physically attend the classes needed to complete the major, I had to turn down the scholarship. It was a really difficult time in my life but I was not ready to give up. Even though it seemed as if everything was working against me, I still wanted to become an educator but then I had the issue of how.

 

Upon entrance into the Masters of Arts in Education Program at Michigan State University, I knew my goal was still to teach, I just did not know how to obtain this goal. I went into my first semester without any clue of where things were going to lead. I was under the impression that I would get better and my agoraphobia would just magically go away. I was only under this delusion because I had bouts of agoraphobia before and I had always gotten better. Then treatments stopped working and I started to worry about my future. It's hard to set goals for yourself when you have no idea if you are ever going to leave your home again. All of the students in my classes were either already teachers or had well thought out plans and I did not. Then it hit me, I could take the knowledge I had gained, suffering I had endured and throw it into creating a program that would help people with mental illnesses learn more effectively. 

 

If I was able to create a program to help others, like myself, who suffer with mental illness, it would have given all of my suffering meaning. I felt the best way to start this journey would be to educate others online. I want to be the person that helps people and I want to be the person who said, "Yes." when everyone else says, "No." It was a result of this illness and my entrance into the Master of Arts in Education Program that I have learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. I have learned that so many people struggled with the same issues I do. I never wanted them to feel they were alone, that there aren’t resources, or that there is something wrong with them. I could have easily sat back and felt sorry for myself these last 13 years and for a while I did but then one day I woke up. Starting this program I knew I wanted to teach and that was all I knew. Then I realized, I needed to advocate students with mental illness. Those who are led to believe that they are less of a person because they are sick, those who were suffering, terrified, suicidal, miserable, broken, and alone. These are my people and I want to give them their power back.